I get a lot of email from people who are concerned about me outing them, about being guilty by association, and asking about BDSM play parties.
Let me start by saying that I am not in this to out anyone. I am out, I am a performer, and I am extremely exhibitionistic. Most people who associate with me are in the entertainment business. I tend to hang out with writers, actors, improvisers, and agents. I don’t hang out with “perverts” because they are boring. There I said it. Most perverts bore me to tears. All they can talk about is kink. They have no frame of reference for anything other than the latest in chastity devices.
I would prefer to play with the latest in chastity devices, not discuss them. When I enjoy an afternoon on the veranda with a bottle of pinot noir and a friend our conversation usually revolves around politics, technology, and the brilliance of Viola Spolin. Perverts who identify as such most often can only tell me about the sexy new dominatrix they had a session with and I, quite frankly, don’t care.
I hope that my friends who can’t converse about the importance of Gaudi, Robert Anton Wilson, and Dick Fynman won’t be offended. I have nothing against discussing the latest in corsetry but most of the perverts I come in contact with would not be well suited to take to an afternoon lecture delivered by Noam Chomsky.
Onto being guilty by association. Would you not have lunch with your attorney because people would think you were a criminal? I hope you see the connection. The people I run with are a multifarious group of intellectuals. I only hang out with smart people. Anyone who sees you with me and thinks you might be a pervert is going to be super jealous that I am willing to talk to you. Just yesterday I left a boy in Macy’s when I realized he simply wouldn’t do.
With the diversity of things I am interested in I find it somewhat comical that you would be to chicken to be seen with me – someone might think you are an academic, a yogi, in the entertainment business, a pente player, a writer, or god forbid – a pervert.
You could take me home to your mother and she would love you more for it. I’m smart and pretty and funny and I have read some of her favorite books. Yes I am a pervert, but that is not all I am. Anyone who knows how pervy I am knows it because they are watching me be pervy. That makes them pervy too. Voyeurism is just as pervy as exhibitionism.
That said, lets move on to BDSM play parties.
I’m going to take a deep breath here. I like parties, I like people, I like BDSM but I don’t really like BDSM parties. They feel phony. People say PLAY but when was the last time you saw anyone having fun at these things?
I’m not looking for a seventh grade cat fight about who has the more incredible latex dress. I want to be in public, not in an environment where everyone is trying to be the same. If I wanted homogony I would live in Orange County.
Masters in black do not titillate me, showing a little too much thigh in a bar does. Tease and denial session are my second favorite kind of public session, golden showers being number one. My goal in these sessions is never to make people uncomfortable and force to watch when they didn’t consent to it. Rather my goal is to not get cough doing something that I’m not supposed to be doing. Some people shoplift, I look like a slutty drunk girl as I drink my mineral water, lean in and grab you by the balls.
Everyone who has ever been in a bar has been exposed to someone doing a little to much with her sexuality, how is this different? Tease and denial at a BDSM party is dull in comparison. Everyone is desensitized to flesh, a hemline, or a bit too much cleavage. The social rules are different, less ridged, and thus less dangerous.
The thrill is what I like, not the fact that people can see, but who can see, who might see, who might catch us doing these things and what would happen if they did. I don’t want to play in a dungeon with a bunch of people who couldn’t care less if they see us. The thrill is in the exhibition.