Am I Unemployable?

It’s the middle of the night and I’m on some pointless quest to get a summer job.  I’m not the sort who works for other people.  I need something mindless so I can put my energy into my writing but still manage to make rent.  Now I know what your saying – “Widow you’re a famous dominatrix.  Just beat up some boys.” But I don’t know if I can do it any more.  I’m having a crisis.  I am looking at my future and thinking that I should clean up my reality but if I don’t have enough money to cope with grad school I’m not gonna be able to handle to very long haul towards a PhD.
So a job? Maybe.  I’ll go look.  Hmmm, I started wondering what I could do.  Can I work in a busy office? A non profit? A magazine? I’m really not sure.  One ad caught my eye so I looked a little closer to discover the completely unreasonable expectations on the part of the employer.  It read like this:
If you love working with the public, have a great attitude and want to work in a fun atmosphere then apply today!
This is NOT a job I could hold.  Oh sure I could probably hold it together to get the gig but after a few minutes my true cynical, misanthropic self would bubble to the surface ready to rant the evils of capitalism, the doom and decline of the educational system, and the unrealistic and dehumanizing reality of the gender binary.  Oh dear, am I unemployable?
I certainly can no longer make idol chit chat.  I wan to talk about the economy, about the military industrial complex, about Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky.  Oh dear, am I unemployable?
Maybe I should take a close look at nonprofits.  But even they want you to be cheery.  Why is this a requirement?  I am not cheery.  I’m an anarchist.  I am looking to pick a fight, stir up trouble, take down The Man.  This job requirement will never be met.  I can please no potential employer with said disposition.  Maybe I will have to impress them with my fancy degrees, large vocabulary, and collection of sex books.
I should give up and write.

One thought on “Am I Unemployable?

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  1. It’ll be okay, Widow. I share your pain, though I’m still in undergrad. It’s hard to play a role when you disagree with the system, or “play” to go along with the metaphor. From my experience, it’s not just hard, it’s soul-wrenching when you don’t just disagree, but it goes against what you believe in and changes you want to see and are working for.

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