Fuck the sun
I feel like I am hung-over. All day I was in the sun. Not on a boat or at the beach but in a coffee house with windows, and driving across town. Just generally exposed to the sunlight. I feel beaten up. At 1:30 I was sobbing in the Kinko’s parking lot it hurt so bad.
It’s like the light burns into my soul. It makes everything ache. I get cold, hot, shaky. I feel my sink burning.
I wear SPF 100, long sleeves, a hat, carry an umbrella, and based on recent advice from a dermatologist — I have started wearing gloves. I see these sun lovers walking around in shorts and t-shirts and I wonder why they don’t feel what I feel. I’m pretty sure that a large part of the sun poisoned feeling comes through the light I see. Through my eyes. My skin feels thin and fair. I should not live in such a sunny place. This is really horrible.
When I finally got out of the sun at 3:00-ish I hid in my closet, as my drapes are still not hung. I have a little hiding spot of sorts in the walk in closet. It is the only place in my new apartment that is not saturated with light. So I went in there and hid. I wanted to go to yoga but I felt so sick – like I was gonna vomit – like I had a migraine – like I was gonna die — that I could do nothing but lay there and wait for the sun to go down. Now that it has I feel immediately better. The shakes have stopped. My head feels a little better. I had some salt and a Guinness. I expect to feel like myself at about midnight. Then I’ll get some work done and the fucking ball of illuminating gas will reappear and terrorize me all over again.
I’m not sure what is wrong. I went to the ER last week. They ran a blood and urine panel – found nothing wrong with me. I’m considering having an MRI done to see if I have a tumor or something. The sun makes me sick. This is extremely problematic in socal. I can’t get anything done without encountering a lot of fucking sunlight.
Fuck the sun!