I do this horrible thing to my lovers. I try to turn them into business partners. It is what ultimately ruins y relationships. I pretty much work all the time. It is hard as a freelance artist to put your work away at the end of the day. I applaud those of you who can do this. I am not one of them. Sometimes I live very hand to mouth, other times I spend the money that I have saved, working as little as possible because I am burnt out and need to spend a month watching TV. It is not an easy lifestyle.
So when I find myself in a new relationship I try to weasel my new love who have not been sex workers, into my dirty work. Just a ‘hey can I call you to let you know I’m safe’ when I get to this clients house is enough to turn against my good intention. I am soon calling for safety checks, asking my new lover if they wouldn’t mind playing with me and a client, maybe I’ll tie the client up and my lover and I will fuck on top of said client. It starts with little things like this.
Before you know it I’m asking the person who came into this thinking that we were having a relationship that centered around love and common goals and interests to be my full time business partner. I’m asking them to do things all the time, take photos, play, edit smut for me, come to a fetish party. The lines of business and pleasure are not very well drawn in this line of work.
As dominatrices we are expect to not be in this just for the money, no we must be ‘lifestyle dominas’ in order to fuel the fantasy that we keep slaves and tie our lovers up every night. And yes, sometimes there are slaves and bondage without an exchange of cash, but what does that do the relationship? It puts a lot of strain on it.
I know I am not the only one who works in this business and has met a nice person, maybe they were not out as a kinky person, but we have asked things of you in our manipulative sultry way that pretty much prevents you form saying no. It is tricky because after a time in the sex trade I’m not sure I even know how to ask for favors without it seeming a little passive aggressive, phrasing things like ‘you will do this (totally benign chore) today, right? ‘ Laundry, dishes, cleaning up the dungeon. I push people who come to me with a reasonable expectation to be wanting a personal relationship I push them out of my bed and into my business.
I wish I didn’t but I do. I wish that I had noticed this trend before I had destroyed a number or really sweet relationships with my need for a business partner.
I’m just a mediocre business person. I’m alright with that but I need to find a way to make my business not the only part of my life that I tend to. I get out of bed and I work. I have so much work I could opt out of sleep and at times have, but I can’t now. I must get rest. So I get less and less done. I’m unorganized, things go missing, I’m not sure where all that footage is that needs to be edited right now. Who is going to edit it? Me? Ha that is great, you should expect some twisted up fucking silly looking thing that involves me and a Christmas tree and some rope in a public place real soon. At the rate I work I would give it till Christmas of 2015, unless of course I cant get the data to load properly on whatever I will be using then, in which case the footage is as good as never shot. Like so much of the work I have done. I chock it up to the ‘fun’ I was having in my relationships.
Oh yes. I need business partner. Not another lover, not another slave.
THIS IS NOT AN INVITATION FOR TWO BIT PIMPS TO CONTACT ME. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. I WILL PISS IN YOUR EYE.