Happy Alcoholidaze

I went out at noon expecting to interrogate an old fat man in a staples and be done in an hour, home to my pot of tea. But during the game I said, “take me shopping,” and then I had him pushing me in an office chair that made me feel every bit Queen Carlota. Yeah. “This way, no that way you moron, where are the pens I want? You suck, this is all your fault” a real scene.

“Follow me” I said as I led him through a series of mundane errands and eventually to the Christmas Tree Shop where I dressed him in Christmas decorations for all the packed store to see. Some people loved it, laughed, pointed. Some people pretended not to notice. Some people were horrified that we should have the audacity to violate the misery of Christmas.

Of course I put a hat on his head, but I decorated him in ornaments and candy canes and at one point I pushed the inflatable snow man over, and once you do that it can not be undone, all the inflatable things began to topple like a plushy pervy set of dominos. “Run away” I told him as we made out way back towards the trees.

Every time we saw a nutcracker I snapped “Bow to your master” and he did, all the way on his knees. We started to gather a fan club.

Once we checked out I asked where the bathroom was and we headed straight there. I took him into a stall and told him to strip. I pissed in his mouth, a little squirt at a time. Then more them more. Someone came into the bathroom. I tried to be silent and not get caught. I kept pissing on him till I could hold no more and I drenched him. I shot it all over the bathroom. He was soaked.

“Put on this Santa suit and clean up this mess” I told him.

On our way out a cute little twink tried to get in on our party. I told him to follow us and he would get a Christmas present but by the time we were outside he was no longer following us.

But that didn’t matter because everyone was happy to see Santa.

We went to the pet shop and got Santa a choke chain and a leash. We then went back to he staples and picked up something we forgot. A tourist took our photo.

We headed down the street that shall not be mentioned by name and I slammed on the breaks. “I must have that.” “Oh my gawd not here, please mistress. I know a lot of people here. Please, anywhere else” “get out and stop being a whiny little bitch” I told him. No one is gonna see that you are behind the creepy Santa outfit. All they will see is creepy Santa. Pull your pants up and get out” we went into the store but sadly the thing in the window was not for sale. I spun around in a circle and in two seconds I said “I want that” pointing at a four foot high plug in illuminating Buddha.

The young ladies running this trendy boutique looked at us — me with my turtle neck sweater, pearl earrings, and a creepy dirty looking Santa on a leash, and went to get the Buddha. We stood there waiting, not looking around. Not making small talk, Just waiting for the delivery of the plug in deity.

When it arrived in a box I asked the skinny girl if it was heavy. “Oh yes” she assured me. I looked at here again, eyed her up and down and said “do you lift weights” “no” she informed me “and you got it all by yourself? “Yeah, but it is really heavy and awkward” “thanks for the warning” I told her.

I pulled my car up front and we had to take Buddha out of the box to get Buddha in the front seat. I had a blessed passenger.

We went to a spot where I had heard there were glory holes. We found them but sadly there was no one on the other side of the hole. So my bitch didn’t get to suck dick. “Strip and lay on the sticky floor” I told him. Then I pissed into his mouth while gay porn illuminated a cum covered screen in front of us.

When I was finally done drenching him I sent him home to his family.

Thanks for the Buddha, Santa.

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