If you have been reading my blog lately you may have realized that I am in a bit of a crisis. I’m done with school (for now) and although I had a really super plan I still need to make money — fast. I have been subsidizing my lifestyle with sex work for a very long time. Quite frankly I’m sick of the grind. I wish I had made different choices sometimes, but I’m really glad that I went to school.
It would seem that one could acquire straight employment once one has an education and that magic piece of paper that suggests one went to a fine institution of higher learning. Sadly straight employment has never really worked out very well for me. I’m not a very good worker bee. I question authority and have yet to master the fine art of sitting in an office faking it. You need me to fake an orgasm, no problem, but feign an interest in being a team player — forget it. I like to make progress and I hate time wasting slackers. I’m in a funk with my own life.
I want out of the sex trade and I want out NOW. I can’t seem to bring myself to go to a club. Well, I did go scope out a dive last night and it was so pathetic that I just turned on my heels and split. I still have last nights overdone eye makeup on and I should make use of it by going to a club and shaking my ass for money. I need money. I’m so far behind on everything because of school, but I convince myself that I am going to rearrange my office and turn it into a webcam room so I can be smutty on the internet and not have to deal with the horrible reality of physical interaction. I convince myself that I am going to work on my book, that I am going to do something that will somehow generate enough money to get caught up on my bills but then I just make popcorn and watch Dr Who until the sun comes up and I feel the light rays burning into my skull through the cracks in the drapes.
I really should go to a club tonight. It is getting late.