First I want to thank Captain Save A Ho for bailing me out at the last minute. Someone I have known quite a while sent me some money and presto change-o, rent got paid. Thanks Mister.
But about 20 minutes after the electronic money was sent my way, a local called to tell me that he had some cash for me, so I went to get it. He acted creepy in ways that I will have to describe in detail in a future post. Seems every encounter I have with fans gets creepier and creepier.
Right now I am busy having a panic attach that is making it hard to update things. I have been having a full blown panic attack for several days now. And though I am writing I am not posting as posting generally requires editing. editing requires thinking. this panic attack is not conducive to thinking.
A bunch of really bad shit is going on. My problems are mighty white. Mostly money. Health is coming in second. I’m out of toilet paper and beer. I have a $10000 payment due in two weeks and I have $20 to my name. I’m about to drop it in the post so I can get my mail forwarded to me.
I am currently fluctuating between throwing things in the garbage (because I am in the heat of a break up that has been a long time coming — more about that later too), sobbing in the shower, trying to make my gadgets work, feeling way too old for life in general, and watching porn.
The porn is research.
I can’t believe I ever came to New England. Maybe one of the worst decisions I ever made. I’m getting out of here as soon as I possibly can. I’m over feeling this alone in the world.
Now I’m sobbing. I think I hate everything about this place. from the fact that everyone who talks to me is a creeper to the fact that the beach has no waves.