I need to make 140,000 nickels in the next ten days. Yes, nickels. You might be wondering why I am calculating my financial needs in nickels. I signed up for My Free Cams and they pay out in ‘tokens’ — each token is worth a nickel. I have so many mixed opinions and bad jokes about the situation but I’m just gonna say on the topic of needing to get this bill paid.
I have been trying everything in my power to make money.
I was working the clubs, but I’m too old and fat to be a stripper. Plus my health makes working in the clubs rather dangerous. Given the way the cops flooded the last club I worked in (which was the cleanest club I have seen in ages) I’m kind of hesitant to imagine that I can gather up a hundred and forty thousand nickels in a titty bar in the next ten days. And if I get arrested in some bullshit raid it totally defeats the purpose I went to the clubs in the first place, which was to provide myself a layer of separation from anyone who may want to cause me harm, expect illegal things, or try to trap me in a sting. I don’t have the health reserves to deal with legal bullshit right now. I have enough on my plate.
I signed up for suggardaddy dot com and was able to write a new 15 minute stand up set. I was asked by several men over 70 if I would marry and breed. NO FUCKING WAY. I need money but I’m not breeding, certainly not with some old man who I have never even met. What has happened to people’s manners? I mean I get that these guys are old and don’t have much time left, but asking a stranger on the internet if they are willing to pop out a baby for them — I’m utterly horrified, mystified, and entertained at the mere concept that there are so many 70 year old men wanting to have babies, and the young women who will agree to do this with them sight unseen. Who knows maybe it is just a way to ask for bareback sex. Either way I actually had to put NO BREEDING, NO MARRIAGE in my profile. Needless to say, it has not panned out very well. Last night I had a very normal conversation with a would be sugar daddy and for 20 minutes all he talked about was his dog. I know everything I never wanted to know about english bull dogs. He told me he would rather have this dog hump his leg than neuter the animal because he through that neutering it was cruel. Then he told me that this beed can’t just breed, in the traditional sense, because of the physical difficulties involved. Apparently english bull dogs need to be artificially inseminated, and then have cesarian sections because their heads are too large to pass through the vaginal opening of the inbreed bitch. This guy said he would not want someone to neuter him, in relation to why it was a bad idea to neuter the dog. Then told me it would mess with his hormones. I just let him talk about this nonsense until I had to say goodbye.
Then I had a dream that my brother in law died in a jet that crashed into the Connecticut river.
I generally think that my brother in law is the sort of man who would fail to neuter an animal because it would somehow offend his masculinity. But I’m sort of under the impression that my brother in law actually got a vasectomy. Now I have to call my sister.
Neutering an animal that is physically incapable of having sexual intercourse, is sexually frustrated and humps legs, and if it somehow did breed would require surgical intervention because of many many years of inbreeding — neutering this animal is humane, not cruel.
But this dude was by far the smartest, most polite person who I have spoken to on sugardaddie dot com.
And people wonder why I’m so misanthropic.
I’m open to sessions with repeat clients but I am not in a place where I can cope with seeing new clients right now. Additionally Eros raised their rates again and the only time the ads ever pay for themselves is when I get the most expensive upgrades that cost over $500 to post for a month.
I keep thinking that I will go to the fetish night in Providence RI and troll for a slave. Fetlife is a joke. This fetish night happens once a week in a bar, a loud smelly bar. Creepy dudes will hit on me. I might be able to convince a sexy friend to go with me, but I don’t drink in situations like that. I drink alone, with very good friends and with family. My body has been processing alcohol in very different ways over the last few years, so I have to be very careful. When I am not careful I have blackout drunk weeklong adventures in the sunshine. Somehow I keep putting off getting sexed up to go to a bar iso a useful bitch. The internet will provide.
I have been signed into niteflirt every waking hour of my days. Usually weekends are not great on that site, this weekend was good. If niteflirt was consistent for me I would be thrilled to offer phone sex as a way to afford my writing, just keep the line on and take calls. I would be able to pay my bills with niteflirt if it was consistent, but it is really hit or miss. Too bad, cause I dig phone sex.
So I’m moving to the webcam scene. It is my last stop in the smut business. At least my last stop in the business where my looks are a factor. As my health continues to decline I’m less and less inspired to put on something pretty and have fun. Customers want young fun girls. I’m not young or fun anymore. I woke up old and bitter a few years back. But I do remember how to be young and fun, so I am gonna play a young fun girl on my free cams. It might kill me. Performing with high levels of energy really takes it out of me.
Since anyone who knows me or reads this blog realizes that I am really running with the old and bitter thing I have decided to use a different character on MFC. I’m guessing you think this is a good choice. Me too. I am not going to post my new identity here, though it is a character I have played in the past and really love so I’m glad to be bringing her out for a run. I hate to say that my motivation for opening up this character is based mostly on financial need — it is, but it is also based on the fact that I have a HUGE collection of costumes and sex toys that I never have any reason to wear or play with. I have not had sexual intercourse in years. Nothing larger than a tampon has been in my vagina since I became ill. My sex drive mostly disappeared. Not gone, just grumpy. Having masturbatory sex on the internet for hundreds of nameless, faceless, people is not really something I want to do, but I think it might reactivate my sex life. I know it will give me a reason to dust off these costumes. I don’t want to haul them around for no reason anymore. Unless my health improves I’m not going to open another ghetto theater. I can’t think of anything better to do with all this gear. I can use it to pay my bills and have some fun (gawd I hope I can relearn to have fun) or I can sell it.
First I’m gonna play with my toys. If MFC is a bust, if I don’t like the game, if it is not the thrill and profit that I need — I’ll sell the stuff and lower my overhead as much as possible.
I already have some stuff I’m just gonna sell. I’ll take photos and make a page here ASAP. The good stuff: ErosTec312 with vaginal probe, Custom Stocks, A Projector, That custom red patent leather corset you have seen me in so many times. Lots of shoes and boots (mostly very used). I also have about 20 DVDs of me doing something strange and funny that I would like to sell in a little package with a couple photos and whatnot. There is a ton of other stuff, so watch for the page.
Every year I say ‘if I’m not making money by the end of the year, I’m out’ and then I repeat the same sentiment the following year. But I have been using the sex business to get myself out of financial pinches for years. I need my 140,000 nickels. I need them now.
If you want to know who I am on MFC send me an email. I hope that you come play with me in the new fun world I am going to jump into. There are a million political minefields involved with this new venture. From my raging paranoia of sypware to the fact that I’m over the commodification of my sexuality. Inside my head there is a lot of noise about how Orwell was right, fuck fascism, kill the machines, don’t sign that amazingly corporate entertainment contract that MFC has models sign (it is really bad), yada yada yada. But I’ll save my Marxisit ways for another day for it’s money money money makes the world go round.
Come give me money to play sexy games with me. Help me find my sexuality gain. Help me have fun again. You stay totally anonymous (or tell me who you are if you want) and I make hot sexy bad choices that I might regret next year. Toss me some nickels and watch me dance!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention that I have a double dicked fucking machine. I’m making a sign — will ride dildo for spare change.